Responsible Hedonism

Text written by: Ensad Miljković, CBT psychotherapist

The ant worked diligently each day, preparing for winter and gathering fruit, while the cicada sang, danced and jumped from morning till night, day after day. The cicada often teased the ant to dance a little too, but the ant firmly refused to leave his routine, fearing the terribly cold winter. The days grew shorter and winter slowly began to knock at the window. It wasn't long before the cicada also knocked on the ant's door, trying to warm himself and find some grain...

I believe you all know this fable. The story somehow points to one side, but things are never that simple. The hardworking ant will survive the winter, but at what cost? The carefree cicada enjoyed the warm sun, but for how long and at what cost? The truth lies somewhere halfway between cold and heat. Like medicine and poison that differ simply in the dose. Just as a person is capable of both unspeakable evil and great good, depending on which wolf we feed.

People who achieve (great) success in life are often willing to delay short-term pleasure for long-term gain. They are willing to look ahead and know why they get up today while darkness still keeps watch, and why they return home long after the sun has gone to sleep. They sacrifice what they are today for what they will become tomorrow.

But, again we ask, is it really worth it? We often don't have an answer to that question, at least not right away! As with everything in life, balance is essential, and we call this concept responsible hedonism.

The destination is far away, but along our life's path there are many small trails leading to beautiful mountain regions with hidden waterfalls, waiting for their brave traveler who will lose track of the calendar that day. It is necessary to be ready to delay gratification, because that is what builds character. It is the part below the surface of the iceberg that other people do not see, do not want to see, but also do not need to see. When we diligently gather fruit, we need to know why we are doing it and connect it with our true values. Nothing truly valuable in this world comes easily, and if it does come quickly, we often don't know how to appreciate it, and it slips out of our hands, out of our life, just as fast.

Whatever kind of hedonism we advocate, winter will come. It is not a question of whether, but when! Living in constant fear and dreading winter is not the solution either. Sometimes we must dance a little, but not necessarily every day, or the whole day! Highly productive people often convince themselves that they work for a greater good or for someone else, but the harsh truth is that we often do it for ourselves. Perhaps compensation, perhaps escape, perhaps so that others admire us, perhaps simply because of some inner feeling; in the end it doesn't even matter. But still, if we are lying, let us at least not lie to ourselves. Allow yourself to wander a little off onto the country path. The real truth is that no matter how fast we do something, we will always be late, and there is always room to go faster, further and harder! If we are going to be late anyway, it is better to at least enjoy the journey a little. In the end, no one escapes life, and there is room in the coffin for only one person!

We live in a society that wants everything instant, now and here, without much waiting and without much discomfort. Our attention is narrowing. We no longer read, we just scroll. Information is not the problem, but do you remember what I said about the difference between medicine and poison? Too many little cicadas are chirping in our golden valley, expecting someone to owe them something. The person to whom I owe a good part of my life once said: The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide that your problems are yours alone. You don't blame your mother, ecology or the president for them. You realize that you are the master of your own destiny.

Blindly focusing on a goal can lead to delayed life syndrome. This is a descriptive term, not an illness or a diagnosis. Delayed life syndrome would mean postponing numerous life journeys for the sake of some (great) goal. It means depriving ourselves of countless memories that are unique in space and time; once we miss them, we can never return to them. Just let me do this first, then I'll do that, or once I finish this part, then I can rest. If that is truly the case and we stop in time, then we are talking about responsible hedonism. However, often when we finish one activity we find a new poison without enjoying the fruits. Then something new again, and again, and so on, until the body says NO, and when the body says NO, it may be too late!

Before it's too late, find your balance in life. Find what you love. Find what is worth sacrificing a little sleep for. We humans strive for creativity: one eye looking forward, yet returning to the here and now with both eyes open, and with full lungs setting out for the nearby mountain to observe both our fruits and everything that is yet to come before us. However, more important than the past and the future is the present. Create a mental picture of that beautiful, unrepeatable landscape that will never appear before our eyes again...