Myths About Psychotherapists

The role of the psychotherapist is most often mystified and distorted in the eyes of observers. It frequently happens that people see psychotherapists as superheroes who confront the “demons” of the human psyche, magicians to whom you just present a problem and they give you an instant solution, or as someone they must not look in the eyes, lest they see their hidden thoughts.

Everyone is intrigued by what psychotherapists actually do, but before that, we must look at the ubiquitous myths and prejudices that surround the figure of the psychotherapist.

First myth: “My psychotherapist knows a lot about my intimate life. Can I know something about him?”

Psychotherapy is, from the beginning, a business relationship, with clear boundaries within which it can develop.

At first, most clients are fine with this. However, over time, as they open up more to the therapist and as the therapeutic process progresses, the therapist becomes an important person in the client's life. They trust him, can ask for help when they are struggling, and feel that the therapist cares. Therefore, it is quite logical that at some point they ask themselves whether they also mean something to their therapist or whether he behaves this way only because he is paid to. Can a relationship be this honest and authentic if money is present in their relationship?

Clients matter to the psychotherapist. He thinks about them between sessions too, especially when they are going through a particularly difficult period. He worries about them and, in essence, wants what is good for them.

Some clients may be disappointed that the relationship is not mutual, as in friendships, but precisely the lack of the therapist's transparency provides the “canvas” for projections of the client's contents with which the therapist works.

Second myth: “The therapist is an accomplished sage, in complete harmony with himself and his life, and always has harmonious relationships with others.”

For those who support this myth, reality may seem banal and disappointing. The truth is that the psychotherapist is only human too. This myth is entrenched among some therapists as well.

If you observed a therapist outside his workplace, for example in his home environment, you would see that some are overly protective parents, that some have children with problematic behavior at school, that some are afraid of intimate connection with others, that some are unhappy in their marriages, that some have chosen a “problematic” partner whom they wanted to save, or that some are workaholics who neglect their need for rest and personal care. So, psychotherapists are people, just like everyone else.

Our society has created a stereotypical image, which many therapists faithfully maintain in public, that they are born with special abilities and talent and wisdom, that they possess inner balance, and that nothing can knock them off course.

Reality is something quite different from the expectations of those who support this myth. No therapist is born with superpowers, and humanities studies do not train the future therapist to acquire these extraordinary, almost superhuman powers. Many of them have personal stories and difficulties that are more or less serious. And if a psychotherapist does not resolve his own personal problems, he cannot help his clients with the same problems either.

That is why a psychotherapist needs to constantly develop through professional and personal growth, and in this way more easily overcome personal challenges and be adequately present and professional for the client in their relationship.

Third myth: “If I fail to change with the help of psychotherapy, I risk the condemnation and criticism of the psychotherapist.”

Many clients, after the initial relief and experience of success in therapy, when a period comes to make changes in their environment too, start to be late for therapy, cancel, or forget they had an appointment. They don't do their homework because they have many other obligations. They apologize a lot, but then do it again. It is essential for further progress in therapy that the psychotherapist be aware that these resistances arise because the client is on the verge of great progress, but for that to happen, it is necessary to address the topic of resistance and the reasons for its emergence. Such difficulties are normal and desirable, because they are evidence that changes are happening on an unconscious level, but that old dysfunctional patterns put up one more, final resistance before they give way.

Also, relapses in behavior are an integral part of the therapeutic process. It is quite expected that panic attacks, aggressive outbursts, drinking, drug use, etc. may reappear. If a client voluntarily returns to therapy, it is clear that a relationship of trust has been created with the therapist. That is why it is important to stress that in this relationship the therapist does not engage in criticism, but keeps in mind that “clients did the best they could at the given moment.” The essence that is often overlooked is that the therapist's task is to find the reasons for the slip in the client's behavior, not to give someone a list of instructions or to condemn and reject them.

Clients often live according to the myth that they will be criticized for not progressing in therapy, for not behaving in line with the therapist's “expectations,” and that the therapist will “give up” on them. Such a belief can give the therapist excellent information about which concerns clients have and with which important figures they are connected. It is common for clients not to like the “undesirable part of themselves,” to judge themselves harshly because they behave dysfunctionally or have dysfunctional habits.

The aforementioned myth about fear of criticism is far from the truth, because the therapist is there to model acceptance of the person together with the problem. Through empathy, he shows the client that he understands and that it is not easy to leave behind certain behaviors that provided “relief,” that were a “valve” or a “protective mechanism” in previously emotionally difficult situations.