Mirna Dajanović: How to Move Forward When Stress Overwhelms Us? What Steps Can We Take?

Text written by Mirna Dajanović, dipl. psych., Gestalt psychotherapist

A sense of hurry, excitement, worry, a racing heart, cold sweat: we have all felt these to a greater or lesser degree. Stress is a normal bodily reaction, rooted in evolution.

But are you in the process of burning out?

There is no clear boundary at which normal stress becomes harmful, when a little stress becomes too much, and when exactly stress turns into burnout.

There is also no single clear cause of burnout, because a cause is never just one thing. It is a complex interplay of different factors: external circumstances, our perception, beliefs, inner processes, behaviour, and much more.

However, there is something positive in this. Many of the factors that influence stress also present many opportunities for us to influence it. Feelings affect behaviour, just as behaviour affects feelings. The body is inseparable from the mind.

We cannot stop stress, but there is a lot we can do to prevent burnout. Below, I would like to share the mechanisms of burnout and the steps we can take.

Stress comes and goes; the problem is when it stays

Everything we feel has its function, and the function of stress is to prepare the body for a danger it recognises, so that we can flee or fight. In situations of real life-threatening danger, this is a reaction that saves lives.

Our body picks up signals from the environment, but it does not distinguish between types of threat. So even when we are not physically threatened (for example at work), our body still registers threats and prepares to fight or flee.

The rush of adrenaline itself in situations is not the problem. The key difference between modern times and the period when this mechanism developed is that the bodily reaction often fails to complete today.

If we came across a bear, we would run until we were safe. Today, in stressful situations at work or at home, we do not flee or fight physically. Our body then does not receive the signal that the danger has passed, and it remains on alert while stress accumulates.

What can we do?

• Movement: We can run, swim, walk, or do a movement that signals to the body that the danger has passed. Our body does not distinguish whether we are running on a treadmill or in the forest while fleeing. It recognises that action has taken place.

• A safe place: We can create a safe place, either physical or mental, to go to when things overwhelm us. A place where, at least for a while, we can switch off from work, obligations and worries, and feel safe.

Having things under control (or not)

The feeling that we have things under control and burnout do not go together. This is precisely one of the differences between stress and burnout. While stress can arise even in situations where we feel we are holding the reins, burnout is linked to a sense of losing control, a feeling that our obligations and tasks have no end, while at the same time we do not see our influence over the matters we are engaged in.

It is human to worry and to focus on things that might happen but that are beyond our control. Our brain is constantly predicting what could happen. Still, what is within our control is not the outcome, but our behaviour.

What can we do?

• Focus: We can direct our attention to the things that are under our control, and be consistent in behaviour that is in line with our values and that brings us the most long-term well-being.

• Places of influence: We can invest energy in things where we see the effect of our efforts, whether that is a hobby, volunteering, or a specific field of activity. Finding a place of influence, even if it is not directly connected to work, can restore a sense of personal effectiveness.

The importance of support

Everything is easier when we have the support of others, when someone sees and hears us. Support can make us feel better and offer a different perspective on what is happening. All of this greatly affects our stress level, and thereby the prevention of burnout.

However, it often happens that the support we need is missing, especially when we are talking about the workplace. Then we need extra energy to find support within ourselves, but also in other circles.

What can we do?

• Mapping support: We can become aware of what kind of support we can get from whom. A colleague may not be able to support us emotionally, but may be able to give honest and well-intended feedback. Friends may not be able to understand situations at work, but may be able to offer their presence and give us a break from worries.

• Directness: We can openly communicate our needs. Sometimes it is advice, sometimes just to be listened to. When we openly tell others what we need, we increase the chances of getting what we need, and at the same time we give the other person room to truly help us without having to guess what we need.

When is it time to seek professional support from a psychotherapist? Psychotherapy is an important form of support we can give ourselves. It is particularly effective in situations where:

• We feel we do not have enough capacity to support ourselves.

• We want to explore our boundaries and how to set them with others.

• We are going through a difficult period or making hard decisions.

• We feel we need the perspective of a neutral person.

Instead of a conclusion, questions to end with.

Let us pause for a moment and answer these questions for ourselves:

• What kind of movement feels good to me?

• In what space do I feel comfortable?

• What supports me in relaxing (scent, sound, silence, nature)?

• How much time, and when, can I allow myself to switch off from “work” (the process of decision-making, planning, analysis, etc.)?

• Which behaviours can I introduce, and which can I let go of?

• Where is my effort producing results?

• What kind of support, and from whom, do I need?