What Is Your Facade?

Written by: Vildana Efendić, Gestalt psychotherapist and psychologist

Every day I walk past this inscription, and only recently did I become truly aware of it. It made me think… when our facades crumble, is that a danger or a blessing?

Who are we behind the makeup, behind the facade, behind the fancy suits, expensive watches, crooked smiles, and perfectly groomed beards? There are people who are constantly fine and great whenever we ask how they are. There are people who post pictures of happy couples, while within four walls each one stares at their own phone and says nothing.

What are we masking? Pain, sadness, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged… or the greatest of all psychological fears: that someone will truly see who I am and run away without looking back.

It is easier with a mask. Enjoying yourself is easy at a masquerade ball. And the masquerade is every day for us. Trick or treat is our everyday life. Trick: convincing someone that we are truly ourselves. Treat: the reward that follows when we succeed in that deception. And in truth, we have only deceived ourselves.

We put on different masks as needed, and beneath it all there is only the need to be loved. We seek it from outside, and we don’t know how to seek it from within. How many people around us walk around depressed while “screaming” with laughter??

We become anxious, and later depressed, because we are worn out from acting and because no one knows how we are… who we really are. Of course, different circumstances require different behavior from us, but living constantly under a facade suffocates.

Ask yourself, “With whom do I not wear a mask? With whom am I truly myself?”.

Hold on to those people if you have them. Hug them tightly, and let them hug you.

Without masks, without excuses, without fancy suits, expensive makeup, fillers… just you. Bare.