From the Perspective of Our Psychotherapists

The “From the Perspective of Our Psychotherapists” column is designed to help you get to know our psychotherapists better through questions on psychotherapy and mental health.

EDITA PAJIĆ: How do personal experiences of living in different countries (Norway and Italy) and in the diaspora affect your therapeutic work and your understanding of clients who are going through major life changes?

The experience of living in Italy, first as a refugee from a war-affected country and afterwards in the diaspora in Norway, taught me as a young person that a change of culture, language and value system brings challenges with it, stirs inner conflicts and fears, but also offers an opportunity for personal growth.

In therapeutic work, this allows me to understand with particular sensitivity clients who have gone through or are going through migration, major life turning points, changes in roles, or a sense of being stuck between different languages, cultures, relationships and changes within ourselves. A change that is frightening and at the same time developmental.

In therapy I listen not only to words, but also to what is unspoken: the grief for what we left behind, the fear of change, but also the strength that is born in those moments. When I recognize strength and resources, then together with clients we work on recognizing, naming and using them.

What does a systemic-family approach mean in practice, and how can it help individuals, couples and families better understand themselves and their relationships?

The systemic approach starts from the belief that everything is a system, that the individual is not a "problem in themselves", but that we are all part of different relationships and systems that influence our thoughts, emotions and behaviour.

In therapeutic work, this means that we do not look for a "culprit", but through conversation we try to understand the patterns of relationships, communication and roles that repeat. Thanks to this approach we can help individuals better understand their own reactions, help couples recognize the way they communicate and explore closeness, and help families find healthier ways of functioning, with more understanding and mutual respect. What often hurts or confuses us gains meaning when we look at it in the context of the relationships in which we grew up and in which we live today. When we understand the function of certain behaviour patterns and beliefs, relief comes. Only then can we be gentler with ourselves and others, and relationships gain space for change.

Many people hesitate to start psychotherapy – what does the first session look like, and what can clients expect from the therapeutic process with you?

Like everything unknown, psychotherapy provokes suspicion and fear of exposure and vulnerability. It is not unusual for the first session to be filled with nerves – and that is completely fine. It is enough to dare and take the first step. What you will certainly hear from me, if you choose me as your therapist, is that my task is not to judge, label, assess or give ready-made solutions. My task is to ask questions, reflect and confront. To create together with you a therapeutic relationship of trust, in which you will feel safe, without judgment and without instant solutions. Therapy is a journey on which we explore and recognize beliefs that were once useful but are no longer helpful, as well as our strengths and resources, which are the prerequisite for growth and development. At the first session we will address the reasons for coming, the goals of therapy and the way of working that would suit you best.

You also offer online therapy – in which situations is it just as effective as in-person therapy, and who do you especially recommend it to?

Online therapy is a bridge for all those who live far from home, have no therapist nearby, are worried about stigma, or find it hard to make time for therapy because of the busyness of life, or who want to talk with a therapist from the comfort of their own home. My experience shows that deep and meaningful processes can take place using this form of communication, and that a relationship of trust can be built as a prerequisite for quality therapy. Online therapy is effective in working with anxiety, depressive states, overcoming expected and unexpected life crises, complex partner and family relationships, and personal development.

How important are trust, safety and humour in therapy, and how do they contribute to personal growth and positive changes in clients?

Without trust there is no therapy – this is what we were taught during our four-year training, and practice has confirmed it many times. Trust is built slowly, in small moments of honesty. By developing and nurturing this sense of safety and acceptance, we are able to reach even those parts that have long been hidden or suppressed.

Humour, as a healthy defence mechanism, has allowed us to "survive" in these parts of the world. Using it, we managed to get through all the life hardships that many generations have faced. Humour, when it is present in a natural and unobtrusive way, helps make difficult topics more bearable, brings relief and connects. That is why I love humour and gladly use it in therapy. When we bring together trust, safety and humour, a space is created in which personal growth becomes possible and changes become lasting and authentic.