6 Common Traits of Every Functional Family

Text written by: Emina Kadić, Eu.lic. Psychotherapist

If we do not know what a functional or healthy family is, it will be hard to identify what an unhealthy family looks like.

Every family is different, but we can single out around 6 shared characteristics of healthy, functional family or social systems:

1. Respect for healthy emotional and physical boundaries.
Children and other family members have their own privacy, and all members understand and respect it. In healthy families, parents take care of their children's emotional wellbeing by modelling empathy, self-control and appropriate responses to emotions or stress. The role of children is to learn.

2. Every family member is seen as an individual with the right to their own opinion. Everyone has the right to an opinion, and all family members should respect and allow the different opinions of their members to be expressed respectfully, even when the final decision is made by the parents.
It often happens that children raised in families that do not tolerate different opinions grow up into adults who do not know who they are. Because when you are taught how and what to think, it is natural that as an adult you do not know how to think for yourself.

3. Setting consistent, fair rules and expectations that are in line with the age of family members. Rules that are inconsistent or not in line with the ages of family members create an environment of confusion and chaos. Parents' expectations of their children must be in line with the children's growth and development.

4. Adequate fulfilment of needs: All members look after the health and wellbeing of the other members in a way that respects their age. Parents provide emotional care to their children, and not the other way around (children to parents).

5. All family members feel safe and secure: children in a healthy family feel safe to learn, grow and make mistakes.
They have a healthy understanding of making mistakes, because they know it will not threaten their safety. Love is unconditional.

6. Mistakes are expected and forgiven in a healthy way. Family members believe that we are all people who learn and develop. Conflict is approached in an appropriate and safe way, with adults who model appropriate behaviour and manage disagreements. These families analyse mistakes in order to gain a better understanding and improve their relationships, not to shame their members. Children understand that they will be punished for unacceptable behaviour, but also that their mistakes will be forgiven, instead of those mistakes being held against them for the next several years.

Take a moment to reflect on your family history and on whether any of these characteristics are present?

- Often, people who have experienced trauma related to their family of origin (the family they were born into) will not have these characteristics and the experiences listed above in their family.
- If none of the 6 characteristics mentioned were present in your home, this may be a sign that the family environment was somewhat unhealthy.
- If one or more characteristics are not part of your family, this does not necessarily indicate dysfunction in the family. Different households may have different ideas about how children can express their opinions, based on individual family dynamics such as culture and other factors.

Family therapy helps family members establish greater functionality and supports better health, growth and development of all of its members.